I wanted to see Darwin so I decided it would be a good weekend to come and spend with him. I got down on Thursday night and we hung out and mostly just played video games. Friday was more of the same but it was good just to relax and catch up with him. I went to one of his classes with him and while I was in class I did a little bit of studying. It is pretty sad that we just had a test on Thursday, yet I am behind again on the work I need to do. Darwin talked to one of his old coaches at Alabama who is a mentor to him and told him some of the things that he needs to do to get ready to play professionally. He has done a lot of them already in getting a highlight tape ready to send off to coaches. But he is plagued by a shoulder injury that he had at the end of his season with the semi-pro team the Birmingham Wildfire. But he is seeing now I think the importance of getting back in the weight room and doing things that he can even with his shoulder hurting. He can't do a lot of stuff but I think he knows now that there are things he can do. Talking to him about all of this stuff started getting me thinking about "change" (more to come...).
Saturday came and let's just say it was a busy day in Tuscaloosa. I took a shower and waited for Darwin's girlfriend Caitlin to get ready so that we could head out to campus and hang out for a bit before they were going to go to the game. I was offered a ticket by one of my friends for $50, which was a great price since most of the tickets were going for $200 at this point, but somehow I still could not justify spending $50 on a ticket for a 3 hour football game that I could get a better view of from a television. I passed up on the ticket and they went to the game while I chose to go to the Ferguson Center, a kind of student union, and watch the game on a television there and do some work. It turned out to be a productive time and it gave me a little insight into some of the Alabama fans. The dining hall where I was sitting had a big projection screen that was playing the game and fans without tickets were packing it out to watch the game. They decided to turn the volume up so loud that I could hear the game perfectly even with the volume of the lecture I was listening to turned all the way up with earbud noise-cancelling headphones. They were not about to cancel this noise out. If some of those older individuals in there weren't hard of hearing before, they are now.
But one thing I noticed is just how invested some of these people are in Alabama football. It reminds me of the time Kristie and I went to the Braves vs Phillies baseball game and after the game there were fans from both sides bickering about their team being the better one (Phillies were obviously better, but the Braves had squeezed out a win in the game we were at). But I think I told Kristie that if one of these fans got into a fight and killed someone there in the name of the baseball team, that the baseball team would not claim that person. People are so quick to claim a team as being theirs, but would a team claim you? Coaches are quick to thank their fans after a game and that is great, they should. Collectively, fans are good things I think, but bother that coach for an autograph while he is out with his family eating dinner and that is a big no-no. I think fans as individuals don't mean anything to teams. However, when I played basketball our crowds were very small and I did appreciate each individual that was there because I knew them all there weren't that many haha. Anyways, I got off on a tangent there. I couldn't help but thinking throughout that game that if Alabama lost this game to LSU, there would be some serious problems in marriages and other aspects of family life. And it is crazy to me that people travel all around the nation watching these games and tailgating because it defines them. And I do understand why they do it. It is great to have something to live for and it is even better when that thing is successful and big and renown (Alabama football #3 in the nation, undefeated). But in the end it is still football right? I am sure those guys playing for Alabama do want to win a National Championship, but you know what, I bet they are either playing because they know they will play in the NFL one day and that is the end goal, or they are there getting a free education. As individuals they will not look back on their experience and think, "Those fans changed my life." Every Alabama game is packed out, it doesn't matter. And think about all the pressure on those players to do well. What if a fan told the quarterback for Alabama that if they didn't win that game, it might lead to the divorce of his wife? And that may be an extreme, but I don't doubt it.
All in all, it just strengthens my mind about sports. I love sports, don't get me wrong. It is awesome to see great talent and to see it practiced. But in the end is a huge distraction. Some of these people are not defining themselves by their work, better yet God; they are living for the next Saturday. It was funny that when I talked to Darwin about the game after it was finished, I told him that the Alabama fans shaking their "shakers" looked a lot like people saluting Hitler in the Olympics in Germany. At least these people have a sense of wanting to belong to something bigger outside of themselves. It's just severely plagued. But isn't that what all of our lives are plagued by? Trying to find something bigger outside of ourselves that usually is not God. Whether it be a sports team, work, or a relationship. But I can't just hammer these sports fan and think that I am perfect. He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone. I am sure that I elevate school to more than I should. I say that I keep things balanced and I don't care what grade I make on my test and I will be fine if I make a horrible grade, but what makes me any different from the fan who says they don't care if Alabama loses because they will be fine after. I think most of them would say they would be fine, but there would be great disappointment. Just like me doing poorly on a test.
It just gets me thinking a lot about what I elevate and what should be elevated. "But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial, and sincere." Is my day dominated by these things? Probably not. It is probably flooded with false judgments and anger and frustration and self-pity. I admit that God has changed me a lot and at least has brought these short-comings to light. I may fail in these things, but without failing, how can we improve? We may succeed in one thing, but life isn't about plateauing. Jesus was killed for the mindset of plateauing. Jesus was killed for us lacking the initiative to pursue God. But that means that at least I will have something to do for the rest of the my life. How is there ever a boring moment if there is always change to be had?
Which brings me to change. Most of our studies now in Neurology have switched to behavioral aspects. Like how to we motivate people to change and how do we help them to change? I think it is one of the toughest things about medicine, because we can prescribe plans and medications as much as we want, but we can't make the people do it or take that. It comes from a deeper attitude and it comes form the personalities of each individual person. But the thing is we all have long-term goals. EVERYONE DOES. Whether it be me wanting to be a doctor or me wanting myself to be pure in my speech. Whether it be a person who wants to quit smoking or wants to lose 50 pounds. Those are long term goals. Not something that is going to happen overnight. But let's be honest, most of our plans for these long term goals go awry at some point along the way and we experience set backs. Whether it be me making a bad grade, or someone doing some binge eating in the middle of a diet, or someone binge smoking. We all have setbacks. But most of us usually have setbacks because we try and do everything at once instead of taking the small steps toward that long term goal. We want to lose weight so we try and change our diet DRAMATICALLY and then exercise 5 times a week when we aren't used to doing anything. That sets us up for immediate failure. It is all about setting little small goals. Cutting something out of our diet that we are used to having that we know is bad for us. For me when I lost a lot of weight that was switching to all diet drinks. Then maybe later after we have changed some of our diet then we will slowly implement a once a day walking plan. Then move it up to two days and so forth.
We try to do things all at once and we realize after we fail, that we ourselves are failures and it kills our drive to want to try again because we think we will fail again. But that is why it is SO important to set up small goals. Because as we succeed in those small things, it reinforces the idea in our heads that we are competent and we are capable of doing this. That it is possible.
For me, I want my thoughts and my speech to be pure. Granted that is one of the toughest things and probably something that is nearly impossible to do. "For we all stumble in many ways, and if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man able also to bridle his whole body." Basically, the Bible says that the tongue is incapable of being tamed. We cannot control it, which is evidence of our need to gossip when we don't even realize it. And then what about our thoughts, we can sometimes control our tongues, but if the motive is there in our head, do I think that God only hears what comes out of my mouth? No, He knows my thoughts before I even know that I have them. That is a long-term goal for myself. But how do I implement that into short-term goals. I think for me it starts with having the constant mindset when I look at people that each person was made in the likeness of God. "(The tongue) With it we bless our Lord and Father and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing." Whether that person I want to talk about is living the life they were meant to is not for me to judge or decide about. That person was individually formed by God. Each detail was made specifically. I should love God's detail about that person and that should drive my attitude toward them. Granted, so often that flies out the door when someone wrongs us or we are made to look in the wrong. We want to defend ourselves and we could care less what happens to that person. And that is my SETBACK. I will have those instances, but if I know they are in my way and that is what I face, I can better plan for how to attack those and keep on track when they come my way.
I think it is going to be a good week. Kristie comes home today and it will be great to see her again. New material ahead and I am feeling positive about change. Life makes more sense when we let God into the position he should be.
